Saturday, April 16, 2011

How did I get here?

As young as three years of age we often pretend and imagine being someone else, while our expectations of what we will be when we grow up change on a daily basis we then reach our teenage years and are serious of what we will be.  At the ripe age of ten and in fifth grade I decided that I loved other cultures, languages, traveling and thus would study International Relations and work at the United Nations! yes, yours truly dreamed of it every single day and not only that I even wrote and mailed the United Nations a letter to New York headquarters to inform them of my dream and ask how I could make it true... A couple of weeks later I got a response in the mail along with a list of offices all around the world as to where I could work.

I would then daydream of each location and how my life would be. You see I had a plan! and would do everything I could to accomplish it: I would graduate in the year 2000 from International Relations and would  move to New York to begin my career in the UN and later would be stationed first in Europe. I would move to a different office -and country- every 3 - 5 years!  One other small detail in this dream was that I would remain single for life and have a pet while living in the downtown area of a very busy city.  Huge plan right? Yes, a definite dreamer and believer in achieving those dreams. At the age of fifteen I decided the UN was not for me, being I'm half Cuban  I could not understand why they had not yet done anything about Castro and people there could use so much help.

In 1995 as I am six months from graduating High School and deciding what to do, where to study and what to study. We were living Baja Mexico and was being raised in a traditional Cuban/Mexican way, my parents' rules: "you will graduate from University with a Bachelor's Degree and can choose whatever school you like as long as it is here in this city -Ensenada to be precise-". So when schools came to visit our class to talk to us of all the options they had and give us information pertaining to registration and tuition I decided I would graduate as an International Business Manager and would work in the Import/Export, Logistics and International Trade area. I would still remain single though ;-)

I also planned on a Master's Degree and a Doctorate... Yes, I had my life planned. How could I dream or even imagine that  in 1999 I would meet my now husband and would decide to marry a year after I graduate?? Not only that but all my plans changed as I grew older, wiser and focused more on what really was important for me at the time -true love-. We married a day after my 23rd birthday, this year marks our tenth wedding anniversary and I love my husband more than that sunny day we said "I do".

Though I love how my life has turned out so far, I still have those insignificant days where I think to myself: "What if??" I mean, "what if, I did work for the UN and then on 9/11 would've been injured?" or "what if I did remain single I would be living a very lavish lifestyle and always on the go, traveling everywhere". Today was one of them, where I am not belittling the life of a mom. But still felt that I may have disappointed my younger self, with the life I choose. I began to think and remember how I got here and above all how happy I am. I must admit that I even felt guilty for having these thoughts. Could it be that everyone feels the same at some point in their life? or maybe we all have those days where we think: "how did I get here?" we must always remember and identify what our priority is, for each person it is different. No one should decide how you should live your life.

Today I reminded myself that my priority is being happy, loving the life I live and being thankful for the outcome of my decisions. I love being a wife and a mom. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Even as I am typing this beyond exhaustion! Enjoy life to the fullest :)

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